i hate going to the hospital.
honestly. especially to visit very close kins.
it's a "sad scene" but everyone's just smiling(even though i know they dont feel happy).
i almost cried when i saw my grandfather yesterday.
he practically couldn't move cos of the tubes around him.
but i held back my tears. i wouldnt make him even more worried about me.

but i couldnt hold it back that long.
i broke down in the car. i just couldnt stand life without my grandfather.
i finally understood what others meant by,"you'll only learn to cherish something when it's gone."
i realised how important my grandfather is to me now that he's not beside me every hour, every minute, every second.

my mum said to look on the bright side, he'll be fine.
but i dont know why i cant. i just cant.
i've tried. but i still cant.
im really scared. really afriad.
i want him to be fine, to bring me out for brunch again, to be the active person he is again.

i dont really know what's wrong with him.
nobody told me anything for fear that i'd cry.
well, i cried even though they didnt tell me.
all i know is that he's bleeding alot. that was all i saw yesterday.
he has been there for 13 years of my life. i cant live without him.

im praying for him every minute and every second now.
Please be okay...

#GERALDINE.